I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
