I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
