I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
