Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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