Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
