so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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