my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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