you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
