what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
