So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
