The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
