goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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