i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
