so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
