I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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