billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
