i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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