Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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