I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
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you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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