I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
