I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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