It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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