dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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