I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
