everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
