6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize