I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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