I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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