I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
