well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
