i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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