every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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