She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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