you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
