How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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