I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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