Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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