As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
