I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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