She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
