Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize