OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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