I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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