Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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