The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
