I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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