just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
