You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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