just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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