About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
