Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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