She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
