he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
