plz talk dirty to me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
