He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
we're so committed to being not committed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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