I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
