she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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