i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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