so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
