and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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