i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
