Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
