I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
