rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
