I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
