my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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