Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
