i may or may not be watching the land before time
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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