Old men and throwing up are my life now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
