smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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