I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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